May 23, 2006

That Awful Brother

This post has been removed because eyes that were not supposed to see it have.


Anna-juniorknitwit said...


I know this is a hard part of your life to talk about, hun, but I think it helps when you do...

Love you, hun :)


Melissa said...

HUGS to you. I have no advice, but I know this must be hard for you and I'm so sorry about that. We're all here anytime you need to just vent.

Carrie K said...

You're not stupid. Your brother was emotionally and physically abusing at a time when your mother basically had checked out of being a parent. That you choose to remember the past and still honor your mother for what she's become now rather than what she was then is probably the healthiest thing you could do for yourself.

Love your brother & your grandmother, but I'd keep my distance. It might very well be true that your mother was at the root of your brother's problems, but he's a grown up now. I know that it's fashionable to be a victim and powerless, but at some point you have to take charge of your own life. You have. He hasn't.

[Hugs]. It was a hard row you chose, but it's what builds the best character.

Peevish said...

And he'll never realise that you are the strong one. You have emotional depths that he (and your grandmother) will never comprehend.

I have an older sister who is 'special needs' as well, and I stepped up to the plate at a very early age, just like you did. I was the good girl, I was helpful and mature, my mother needed support being a single parent and I was there. It's hard. But I have a lot more respect for you than your brother, cause I've been there! I've never had an abusive sibling, but I do know that at some stage you need to take responsibility for your own actions.

It's their loss for not understanding who you are and why you do what you do.


Chris said...


I can tell that was hard to write and I'm honored you shared it with us! You are strong, strong, strong, and also very perceptive and aware. I'm sorry that your brother and grandmother don't see that - it is definitely their loss.

I can relate to some extent. My mother was an abusive, often absent parent, so I, as the oldest, had to take on more responsibility. Unlike your mother, mine has never acknowledged what she did to my brother and I. When confronted, she says it wasn't her, it was an alternate personality... I finally had a therapy session with her and my therapist. Afterwards, my therapist said that my mother was an incredibly poisonous, manipulative person (it was REALLY BLATANT during the session) and that I should not feel obligated to have her in my life.

Damn, that was freeing. But now it's your brother who hasn't admitted that he did anything wrong... and I don't have any insight into what you could do re: that relationship to bring yourself peace.

Deb said...

Writing can be such a powerful way to free yourself from life's demons. It's easy to talk about things but somehow, writing it down makes it permanent and there for all posterity. Thank you for sharing.

Krysia said...

I can absolutely relate. I, too, have an "awful brother". I suppose it just makes us stronger people.

mrspao said...

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone because your feelings and thoughts are as valid as anyone elses. It is easier to blame and bring up the past than it is to forgive and move forward. Your brother has copped out and taken the easy option but you have been really brave and come through a very difficult situation.

You are such a nice person and so honest. I really respect you. Angry people say awful things and he should never have said those things to you. He sounds like he is jealous of your relationship with your mum now. You should just do what feels right for you.

Sending you a really big hug!

pao said...


Sounds familiar.

Alcohol finished my mum off around 20 months ago, she battled on and off with it for years. Eventually her body couldn't take anymore and packed up.

My parents divorced when I was a kid (various reasons, I blame neither of them - it takes two to foul up a relationship) my brother ended up with my dad. He is four years younger than me.

He cannot remember my mother as she really was.

I am sooo with you.

Take care, be gratefull that your mom is sorting things out - that takes great strength . Be patient with your brother - you have all suffered, you went 10 going on 30 (I know that feeling) your brother may well have stayed 10. It will take time for him to sort things out.

Have a big hug for me.

Debi said...

You may have removed the post but it was still on my bloglines today (May 27) I'm honored I got to read it, it was raw, heartfelt and well written. Remember, the only person who's behavior you can change is your own! You've made peace with your circumstances and become a proud, strong women. Thanks for sharing.