Note to self: Don't schedule emotional school meetings the same week you'll be completely emotional due to hormones outside of your control.
Well I drove down to school on Thursday. The drive was nice. Mom and I rented the original radio performance of Star Wars on CD and listened to it there and back. It was a 5 and a half hour drive, but it didn't seem that long.
The school is BEAUTIFUL. It looks more like a national park than a college campus. Beautiful red brick buildings, trees, sculptures all over the place. Of course my camera batteries died as soon as we got there.
My meeting was on Friday afternoon, so we had the rest of Thursday and all of Friday morning to ourselves. We headed into town and hit the knitting store.
I was very disappointed. Dark, dingy, unfriendly and without a decent wool selection. The only half decent yarn they had was Frog Tree alpaca. Everyone keeps saying that at least I'll come home to visit and buy yarn this way.
Friday, the day of my meeting, I was a wreck. I bawled in the morning. Then I went to my meeting. Then I cried for the first, oh, half hour of the drive before my mom made me drive. (She knew I would regain emotional control if I had to drive. And it worked.)
I'm so freaked out because this is where everything went wrong last time. I was all set for school, had all my classes and then boom. All my money stuff fell through and I had to drop out. I can't go through that again. I have nothing to fall back on. No place to live, I can't afford an apartment on my salary, this is it. It's either school or rocks in the pockets and a trip to the river.
I keep telling myself that I can't get emotionally invested until I have the loan stuff all settled, but who am I kidding? I'm already emotionally invested. I want this so badly and I swear if something as stupid as money holds me back...
Thank goodness there's a hockey game tonight, I need to let off some steam.
8 comments:
We aren't even going to discuss "what ifs" because you know what? Pretty soon you won't even notice all those pretty buildings and statues, you'll be too worried about making it to class on time.
Oh, just you wait. . . . this time is it and you are going to do great. Especially b/c you want it so bad. See, you will be ahead of the game on all your classmates b/c while they are too busying partying it up and stuff, you will be kicking some major butt b/c you'll appreciate the opportunity so much more.
Hang in there sweetie!
And if you didn't grab for the gold ring, then what? You're emotional and it's almost too much, but do not ever give up. Not ever. It is not an option. You're too smart to fall for the "what ifs".
Don't "what if" yourself. Take some deep breaths. YOU CAN DO THIS. You WILL do this. Ok? Believe.
It's ok to be nervous and a bit anxious - big changes!! But PLEASE don't overwhelm yourself by worrying, ok???
Following a dream can be tough but don't second guess yourself with worry and doubt. Take action on the things you can and let go of the things that are beyond your control. Hang in there!
Sending positive knitting vibes your way. You'll do this!
Hug hug hug xx I will be praying my socks off that the money stuff all comes out ok.
You'll can do this!
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