11 Easy Ways

To PISS ME OFF!

1. Point and laugh at my gym shoes
2. When in the lunch room, push my hand out of the way so you can cram your 10-minutes-to-cook-meal before I can heat up my green beans for 60 seconds.
3. Inform me that my shoes remind you “of how much of a kid” I really am. (Bonus points for me, as I was able to keep from informing her that her reading glasses reminded me of how much of an old person she really is.)
4. Pull my earbuds out of my ears when I don’t hear your question about what I’m listening to.
5. Fiddle with the microwave while my food is cooking, because you make it all the time so you know it should be in for X minutes, then stirred. Don’t. Touch. My. Food.
6. Ask me a question while I’m listening to music, then comment that it’s “That teenage talent of not hearing an adult when you don’t want to.”
7. Take the newspaper with you when you leave the breakroom. It’s not yours, you didn’t buy it and I wanted to read it.
8. Ask me to try out something, then when I politely refuse due to lack of time, comment “Well that’s for the best, I wanted an intelligent opinion anyways.”
9. Compare me to your 16 year old daughter. (In the “Because you’re just as immature as she is” way.)
10. Ask me if I want to take part in the pizza party on Friday, wait for my response, then tell me I have to e-mail you formally or else you might forget, then follow me back to my best to critique how to best phrase my response.
11. “Don’t you know what’s IN bologna?”

Ah yes, 2 co-employees have it out for my temper today. Yes, all 11 of those obnoxious things were said/done by only 2 people. Talented, aren’t they? The age related comments all came from, as I’ve dubbed her, Evil Sweater Lady whom you might remember from the abandoned sweater fiasco, the break room (lack of) etiquette came from the gentleman who likes to set up business meetings to get free gifts.

But it’s not all crankiness. I had a very funny “argument” with another guy I work with about lunch.

Him: You going out for lunch?
Me: I can, do you need me to pick something up for you?
H: No, no…
*Five minutes later*
H: So you’re going out to lunch?
M: What do you want me to stop and get you on my way back?
H: No no… never mind.
*another 5 minutes later*
H: Did you bring a lunch with?
M: I have bologna and bread if you want to make a sandwich.
H: No, no…
M: Special K bar?
H: Ew…
M: Can of green beans?
H: Um, no.
*He leaves to go get himself food, returns only minutes later*
H: I got green bean salad as a side dish, I must have been thinking of you.
M: Smart ass

I’m not sure if he wanted me to drop what I was doing to fetch him food right away, or if he was just being difficult to pass the time between meetings. Either way it cracked me up. As did another guy heading out of the office and informing me:

“Well… I’m off to get my ass chewed off at a meeting, have the Band-Aids ready for me when I get back.”

Upon his return I asked him how his ass was and he looked, for a moment, very alarmed before remembering what he'd said on his way out.

One sure way to make me cheerful:

I get to see Zoe tonight for the second time this week.