I barely pass for human in the mornings. Really. I openly pity any man and or children who might come to live with me, cause they’ll have to deal with my pissy mood when I wake.
So yesterday morning, when I was standing in the bathroom rather blearily doing my makeup and I heard my aunt telling her dog “It’s cold outside! Brrrr…” the first thing that passed through my mind was:
“My god how DOES she make such keen observations? She could work for the Weather Channel.” (See? Bitch.) Then I proceeded to have a silent rant to myself about how annoying it is when people come in from outside and inform you that it’s cold.
It’s January! It’s supposed to be cold!
Fast forward to me at the gas station, filling my bone dry tank up. No hat, no scarf, bouncing up and down to stay warm (does that even work?) and what’s the first thing out of my mouth when I get back in my car?
“Man it’s cold out there!”
Fast forward a bit more to me at work. Now since I work at the front desk I hear “It’s cold.” In many different variations about 30 times a day. One guy, who I’m always picking on, walks in and says just that. I turn to him and address him quite seriously.
Me: “You know, I was watching the Discovery Channel yesterday…”
Him: *turning and looking interested* “Yeah?”
Me: “Yeah, and these scientists… they discovered that it tends to get cold in January.”
Him: “I am really going to kick your ass one of these days.”
Me: *sweet smile*