February 06, 2007

Confessions of a Receptionist

A glance into the fascinating people that make the job that occupies 7.5 hours of my time 5 days a week a little more annoying odd interesting.

The pausers:

Me: Good morning, how can I help you?
Customer: I’d like to talk to Bob
M: He’s not in right now, would you like his voicemail?
C: …………… Ok.

The Um’ers:

Me: Good morning, etc.
C: Umm.. yeah, can I umm talk to umm Mike?
M: May I ask who’s calling?
C: Ummm…. Frank.

The Sybils:

M: Good morning, blah blah blah
C: Well a very good morning to you! Would you be so kind as to let me speak to Joe?
M: Well sure, hold on one moment…. I’m sorry he’s on the line right now. Do you want his voicemail?
C: *sigh* I guess, since obviously you can’t be bothered with going back to let him know I’m on the line…

The Fast Talkers:

M: Good mor-
C: Bill please
M: I’m sorry he’s n-
C: Voicemail please

The Mumblers:

M: Good afternoon, etc.
C: mbhgneghtnifal
M: I’m sorry?
C: mgbgneghtnifal…
M: I’m sorry I can’t hear y-
M: Sorry about that. May I ask who's calling?
C: mgbgneghtnifal

The Babblers:

M: Good afternoon, babble babble
C: Hi, this is John from Steel Shippers and I need to talk to Scott about the steel support beams for the West Chester job, specifically about the angles and the thickness of the steel and my shoe size is 9 and I have brown hair and my great uncle’s name is Peggy and I have a hamster named Cuddles and I like cheese.
M: ……… I’m sorry what’s your name again?

The Center of The Universes:

M: Good morning, etc.
C: Hi, it’s me again.
M: Umm… me who?
C: Gary. I want to talk to Mark again.
M: He’s on the line…
C: Go put a note in front of him that I’m holding.
M: …… Yeah, he’s still on the line
C: Did you put the note?
M: Yeah
C: Did he read it?
M: I assume so…
C: Well why isn’t he picking up then?
M: *maybe because you’re annoying?* I have no idea sir, would you like to leave a voicemail?

The Twits:

M: Good afternoon, etc.
C: Hi, someone just called me from this number…
M: Um… did they leave a message?
C: No. But they called from this number.
M: Well yes sir, but they don’t come up and use my phone to make their calls. I have no idea who called you.
C: Well… put me on hold and go tell everyone I’m on the line and someone will want the call.
M: Sir… if they want to talk to you they’ll call back.

The Bullys:

M: Good morning, babble babble babble
C: Let me talk to John
M: May I ask wh-
C: Haven’t you learned my voice yet? God! It’s Jim. I. Want. To. Talk. To. John.
M: Hold please…. He’s not answering.
C: Give me his cell phone number.
M: I’m sorry I can’t give out those numbers.
C: You know I have it somewhere around here, so just stop wasting my time and give it to me.
M: Sorry sir, I can’t.
C: *slam*


Chris said...


Tracey said...

Sooo true...
I love the older customers too.
M: Good morning, blah, blah, blah
C: ....I'm sorry, I can't hear you sweety.
M: *speaks louder* Good morning, blah, blah, blah!!!
C: You're gonna have to speak up honey, I'm hard of hearing.
M: *cranks the volume up on the phone and screams into phone* GOOD MORNING HOW CAN I HELP YOU?!?!?
C: Oh I'm sorry honey, I have the wrong number.

Chris said...

Hey, I saw your comment at Peeve's. I just converted to the new blogger (for team blogs) and I see why the email thing gets lost, I think - after I converted and went into my profile, I had to re-select to include my email address. I bet virtually no one has done that yet.... Do you see my email on this comment?

Holly said...

omg that was so funny and TRUE! Working with the public is the best and worst job in the world.

Diane said...

I love the twits! Really, I'm sorry if my phone number is on your caller id. I dialed a wrong number so why would I leave a message? If there was no message then just let it go. What are you that desparate for human contact that you call all numbers without messages? Please hang up the phone and get a life already!

Tracey said...

It's quiet here today, the boss and her small fry are gone....watcha doing?

Anonymous said...

Chris-Stumbling over Chaos, sent me.. I am a receptionist and every thing you said it so true..Very funny, thanks for the good laughs.

Samantha said...

Giggle - that is hilarious but so true!