Setting: My desk, 3:20p.m. Listening to Scene 1, Act 1 of the Swan Lake ballet. That morning I’d contacted my high school about sending my immunization records to school, wrote a cheerful and funny blogpost about storing my yarn (tonight or tomorrow, gotta get pics posted) and chatted with mom at lunch about the impending school year.
Then it hits.
The evil thoughts.
You’re going to go away to school and flunk out you know.
Look at how poor the job market is. You’re going to get your PhD and end up working as a receptionist again.
You’re leaving a great job… great money… great people… to chase a silly dream…
Do you know how many years of school you have left? You’ll be 45 by the time you’re finished.
You can’t afford this.
You’re not smart enough for this.
You’re not mature enough for this.
You’re going to flunk out.
You’re going to make a fool of yourself.
You’re going to have to work full time down there to pay for car and insurance and loan payments and cell phone and then you’ll fall behind in class.
You’ll never get into graduate school.
PhD? You? HA!
Normally they show up right as I’m trying to fall asleep. This sneak attack in the middle of the day is no good. At night I can just curl up with my pillow and cry. At work… not good. Not good at all.
Anyone know how to shut them up?