March 26, 2007

The Chase is On

School looms ever closer. On Friday I put $300 down payment on campus housing. I won't hear back on my living quarters until July. In 3 weeks I'll be meeting with advisors. Class schedules have been arranged but can't be confirmed until my advising meeting. My FAFSA is waiting to be reviewed. In 148 days school starts. Everything is hurry up and wait. And my left eye has developed an annoying twitch from all the stress.

Along with all of the fear of IF and WHEN and WHAT and MIGHT, there's the fear of whether or not I'm making a mistake. I'm leaving a good job to chase my dream. Leaving the solid ground of the life I've made for myself over the past 2 years and moving 5 and a half hours away from my family. Turning my back on a steady paycheck and putting my trust in my own intelligence to get me through this. To get me through a bachelor's, master's and finally a PhD. Believing that I do have it in me to teach, to educate others on a subject that I love. Trusting my dreams. Trusting in myself.

I think that these 2 years were important for me. I needed them. I needed to leave Osco and find a place that treated me like I was worth something. I needed to move away from my family and grow closer to them. I needed to face my past and rescue myself from being lost there. I needed to learn to look in the mirror and like what I saw. I needed a lot and I don't think that, without these past 2 years of growing and healing and learning, I would have made it through school.

I'm grateful for the 2 years I've had to grow. But I'm ready.

Dreams... the chase is on.


Tracey said...

Oh come on woman, you cannot write what you just wrote and NOT be ready to tackle this head on! Getting away from your family and standing on your own w/ your own breathing space is GOOD for you! You are going to be great! Good luck Professor Knitwit!

Anna-juniorknitwit said...

Hun, there is no one on this earth who is rooting for you like I am and knows what you've been through to get to where you are. I know you'll live up to your dreams and your own expectations (not anyone else's).

I'm proud of you, sweetie.




Chris said...

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. And I think that working before going through college is CRITICAL. You could definitely tell the "non-traditional" students (who'd taken off a few years instead of going straight through) - we kicked butt and took names, because we knew what our options were. You will do great!

Anonymous said...

Good for you! Do it while you're young - I did and never regret it for a second!

Diane said...

You can do it! You'll be a much better student because your parents aren't making you go like all the kids right out of high school. You'll do great. It's just hard to hurry and wait when you just want to plow ahead.

Anonymous said...

I am your cheerleader and I adore you. You are an inspiration to many. Knit wit and all. I love you!!